- Q: What is your idea of perfect happiness?
- Martin: Being with someone you love, with a family, and doing the work you want to do.
- Q: What is your greatest fear?
- Martin: That there is a hell and I’m going there.
- Q: Which living person do you most admire?
- Martin: My mum.
- Q: What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
- Martin: Self-loathing.
- Q: What is the trait you most deplore in others?
- Martin: Self-importance.
- Q: What has been your most embarrassing moment?
- Martin: Sitting next to someone I’ve publicly cussed.
- Q: What do you most dislike about your appearance?
- Martin: I look like the man in the moon.
- Q: What is your most unappealing habit?
- Martin: Picking my toenails.
- Q: What makes you depressed?
- Martin: Not sleeping.
- Q: What is your favourite word?
- Martin: ‘Please.’
- Q: What is your favourite book?
- Martin: Animal Farm.
- Q: How did you vote in the last election?
- Martin: For Socialist Labour.
- Q: How will you vote this time?
- Martin: Not Labour.
- Q: Which living person do you most despise?
- Martin: Ricky Gervais.
- Q: What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
- Martin: Being easy-going. The world is full of easy-going, bungee-jumping twats; we don’t need any more.
- Q: Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
- Martin: ‘Mother of Christ’, ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph’ - and I swear a lot.
- Q: How often do you have sex?
- Martin: I’m having it now.
- Q: What keeps you awake at night?
- Martin: Thinking about which shoes I am going to wear the next morning.
- Q: How would you like to die?
- Martin: Peacefully and old.
- Q: How would you like to be remembered?
- Martin: As a really nice man and the best actor ever.
- Q: What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
- Martin: Get the fuck on with it.
And they come running up the stairs like, “What’s wrong?! Why did you scream?”
And you’re like, “I didn’t”
And they stare at you like you have problems and you just stare back like
and finally they leave saying, “Okay, you’re weird..” And you’re just like
And you smile to yourself at the end of it like
And then you go back to staring at his picture like
“there are worse things
than being alone
but it often takes
decades to realize this
and most often when you do
it’s too late
and there’s nothing worse
than too late.”
― Charles Bukowski